Stories
Motherhood Hijacked
Lessons from Laura by Carolyn Bradfield
At a Glance
I’ve seen so many posts in the lead up to Mother’s Day as moms in my circle of friends look on their relationships with their children and celebrate the role that they have been privileged to play as their mother. They post on Facebook about their children and their accomplishments and support and praise their child.
But the mother of an addict plays an entirely different set of roles when it comes to their adolescent or young adult. I know this quite well as my motherhood was hijacked when my daughter began using drugs at age 14 and for the next 15 years before her death.
How My Roles Changed
The mom I used to be played the role of cheerleader, always seeing the best in my children, encouraging them, and proudly sharing their wins with others. I became a mentor to work alongside my children, teaching them to cook or ride a bike. As their teacher, I shared how to navigate the world and treat others. I was their protector, ensuring their safety. And if I had been really lucky, my relationship could have evolved into a friendship, with shared outings, shopping trips, and heartfelt conversations.
However, because I was mothering an addict, those positive roles go out the window and new ones take over because motherhood has been hijacked.
Jailor
Laura kept sneaking out, hanging with the wrong crowd, and now I was forced to keep her contained, lock up her things, and lock her inside.
Private Investigator
What is she up to and where is she? I went through Laura’s social media accounts, her phone, search her room and harassed her friends. I looked like a detective trying to solve a crime.
Enabler
You know it’s wrong, but she begged me to go out, give her $20 for gas, or get her another car because she wrecked hers over and over.
Explainer
Laura didn’t show up for school or work, and I had to explain things away. My friends began to ask questions and I glossed over the facts to make the story seem better than it is.
Worrier
She wouldn’t pick up her phone or return my texts. I didn’t know where she was, who she was with or when (or if) she would be back. There were plenty of late nights sitting by the phone being wracked with worry.
Adversary
I was no longer being asked for advice, but you now had to insist she correct her behavior. I became the enemy when she thought what she was doing was OK and my advice was not needed.
My Takeaway
Mothers were born to play a supportive and nurturing role but when your child begins misusing substances or develops the disease of addiction, mothers are forced into negative and unnatural roles that no longer look like “mother”.
If that describes you or someone you know who has a child that is struggling, it’s very important to be honest with others about what is going on, ask for help and understanding, and find ways to come to grips with having your role as mother hijacked. It’s life-changing, grief-inducing, and devastating when you no longer are able to be the mother that you dreamed you would be.
Lessons from Laura
Motherhood Hijacked is one of the chapters in the Lessons from Laura book series available on Amazon, a series of poignant and deeply personal stories of love, loss, and the relentless battle against addiction. Carolyn Bradfield courageously shares the heart-wrenching journey through her daughter Laura’s 15-year struggle with addiction, culminating in a tragic overdose. These books are not only a memoir but a guide, offering invaluable insights into the often-overlooked signs and critical decisions that could make a difference.
