Stories
Riding an Emotional Roller Coaster
Lessons from Laura by Carolyn Bradfield
At a Glance
Laura was a Girl Scout, a soccer player, and a good student. Here she is in the 3rd grade, proudly wearing her Rowdies soccer uniform. Maybe Laura reminds you of your child or one of their friends. Unfortunately, she was one of the ten percent who had a genetic predisposition to develop addiction, which she did by the time she was a sophomore in high school.
Parents of a substance-abusing child take a ride on an emotional roller coaster. I have 15 years of experience in the roller coaster of emotions attached to trying to navigate with Laura through her struggle with addiction.
In addition, I have also worked with hundreds of parents whose adolescents came through the Phoenix Outdoor wilderness therapy program we started and ran from 2004-2007. I discovered that many of us processed our experiences in similar ways.
Managing our Addicted Child Was Traumatic
Laura transformed from a good student and soccer player into someone willing to risk her life by connecting with dangerous people to get the drugs her brain craved. This meant she snuck out, went missing, ventured into unsafe places, and hung out with dangerous individuals. The trauma and fear I faced were overwhelming, with many nights spent wondering if she would come home.
We Experienced Shame
Raising a happy and intact child is the most important goal for any parent. When that dream is shattered, it’s challenging to explain what is happening to your family, friends, or co-workers. I felt ashamed, a failure as a parent, and embarrassed that I couldn’t raise a child like those my friends seemed to have.
Difficulty Regulating Emotions
When you have an addicted child, their emotions are on a roller coaster, from highs to shame and depression when the drugs wear off. Parents experience the same emotional roller coaster. It feels like being in a battle with bullets flying all around you. You don’t know whether to panic, fight back, or hide.
Difficulty Sharing Our Struggles
How do you start that conversation? And what do you say to your friends and family who didn’t realize you were struggling with your child or who don’t understand the disease of addiction? You know you are going to face their judgment, their lack of understanding and questions you may not be ready to answer.
Feeling Crushed by Comparisons
Parents often share their children’s achievements, good grades, and sports performances. I wanted to be happy for them, but my heart sank, and the loss I felt for not having those experiences with Laura was crushing.
Silent Judgment by Others
One of the hardest parts was knowing some friends silently judged my parenting. They might have thought, “How did she let this happen?” or “I would never have let this happen to my child.” But the reality is, 90% of addicts began their addiction before age 18, and 1 in 10 children will develop this disease. Addiction can affect any family, regardless of their parenting skills.
My Takeaway
If you are a parent going through this experience, you are not alone. Many other parents share your feelings. If you have a high-achieving child unaffected by addiction, be sensitive to the feelings of other parents around you.
Lessons from Laura
Riding an Emotional Roller Coaster is one chapter in the Lessons from Laura eBook series, a poignant and deeply personal stories of love, loss, and the relentless battle against addiction. Carolyn Bradfield courageously shares the heart-wrenching journey through her daughter Laura’s 15-year struggle with addiction, culminating in a tragic overdose. These books are not only a memoir but a guide, offering invaluable insights into the often-overlooked signs and critical decisions that could make a difference.
