Trying to help someone with an addiction, especially around substance abuse can be a heartbreaking and frustrating experience. Our natural instinct is to intervene, offer solutions, and push them towards recovery. Unfortunately, support can be met with resistance, leaving you feeling helpless on what steps to take next. Through understanding, knowledge, and knowing the potential options available to you, you can navigate the process and improve your chances of success in achieving long term recovery from addiction.

In this article we will:

• Help you understand where resistance comes from
• Discuss ways you can help someone with an addiction
• Discuss how you can help yourself until you're loved one is ready
• Discuss strategies for addiction intervention if it becomes necessary
• List ways you can offer addiction support once the the recovery journey begins

Understanding resistance: Why they say 'no'

There are many reasons why someone might be resistant or reluctant to seek help for their addiction. Fear, shame, and a lack of a desire to change are all common obstacles. They may worry about giving up their control, experiencing judgment, or relapsing during treatment. It is also likely that they are aware that recovery isn’t easy; it requires completely changing attitudes and habits, and also lots of introspection that they may not be ready to commit to yet.

For those wondering, "how do I help a drug addict?", it's important to note a few key things:

Change perspective

Try to no longer use the term "Addict." Labeling someone this way can perpetuate stigma, as it reduces their identity to their addiction rather than recognizing them as a whole person with unique experiences and qualities.

Listen to them

If your loved one is expressing why they may be hesitant, it is important to remain open to their concerns and not dismiss their feelings.

Respect autonomy

Understand that the person with an addiction ultimately has the right to make their own decisions about seeking help. While it's natural to want to guide them towards recovery, respecting them can build trust and open pathways to future conversations about treatment options.

Factors that can prevent addiction help

Denial

Often, someone needing addiction help may not fully recognize the severity of their addiction or its impact on themselves and others. They have already shut down the idea of recovery because they either believe they won't need it or in some cases even admit it.

Misinformation

There is a lot of misinformation and stigma surrounding addiction that may be a factor. To learn more about this, read our article 11 things people don’t understand about those who have an addiction.

Co-occurring disorders

Many people with a substance use disorder also struggle with co-existing mental health issues like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, and ADHD. For those with co-occurring disorders, seeking addiction help may feel overwhelming or impossible.

Negative experiences with treatment

We make decisions and shape our beliefs based on previous experiences and observations. Perhaps they have found past therapies to be unhelpful or been unsuccessful at previous attempts to get sober.

Social influence

If your loved one is surrounded by friends or family who enable or encourage their negative behaviors, they are more likely to refuse or resist help.

Distance

Living apart from a loved one with addiction can make it challenging to offer in-person support, often leading to reliance on remote communication methods, which might not fully substitute the impact of face-to-face interactions. This distance can create emotional strain and complicate efforts to provide timely and effective help.

Shifting your addiction recovery approach from pushing to supporting

While you can’t force your loved one into recovery, you can focus on building a foundation of understanding and support. Remaining open, patient, and approachable can help them feel more comfortable coming to you for information and support.

Here are some ways you can offer support until they are ready:

Focus on communication, not confrontation

People need to make the decision to seek recovery for themselves. You can’t make that decision for them, however you can make it clear to them that you are someone they can approach and trust. When expressing concern, use “I” statements rather than accusations.

Listen with empathy

Don't judge, criticize, or minimize their struggles. Instead, provide a safe space for them to express themselves without fear of judgment. Avoid sounding condescending, and instead validate their feelings with phrases like “that sounds difficult” or “I can understand why you feel that way”.

Educate yourself

One of the best things you can do is to educate yourself about the disease, the cause of addiction, and all the various treatment options. The more you know, the better equipped you are to support your loved one. Some great resources for learning about different treatment options, the stages of recovery, and prevention strategies are:

• National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)
• National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD)
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

Offer specific support, not just advice

Try to steer away from overwhelming them with unsolicited advice. Instead, ask them what kind of support they might find helpful. This could be accompanying them to a therapist appointment, helping them find a support group, or simply being there to talk. Explore options together, researching local treatment centers or therapists specializing in addiction support.

Set healthy boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries with your loved one, whether they are in recovery yet or not, is one of the most important things you can do to protect your mental, emotional, financial, and familial health. Not only do boundaries help yourself, but setting them also creates a foundation for helping the person in recovery. This could include settling limits on enabling behavior, refusing to bail them out of trouble, or not supporting them financially.

Effective strategies for drug intervention

Interventions for drug and alcohol abuse are carefully planned and organized meetings where loved ones come together to express their concern about the person's addiction and encourage them to seek help. They are often utilized as a last resort for those with severe addictions after other attempts at communication have failed.

Planning is important

You can work with a professional interventionist to plan and facilitate the intervention. They will guide you on structuring the conversation, assigning roles to participants, and anticipating potential challenges. Having someone who is not directly or emotionally involved with the situation ensures the conversation stays on track, and helps moderate as necessary.

Focus on love and support, not blame

The goal of an intervention is not to shame or attack your loved one. Instead, the focus should be on expressing your love, concern, and desire to see them healthy. It is common for family members to use the intervention to express how their loved ones behavior affects them emotionally, physically, and financially.

Be prepared for resistance

It's likely your loved one will resist and possibly lash out.. An interventionist will help you navigate these difficult moments and ensure the conversation remains productive.

Have a clear action plan

Before the intervention, research treatment options and have a plan in place for next steps. Suggest specific next steps for your loved one. This could involve having a spot available in an addiction recovery program ready for that day, a therapist already lined up, and also a plan for if the intervention isn’t successful.

Interventions can be emotionally charged experiences. If you decide to move forward, be prepared for a range of possible outcomes. Your loved one may agree to seek help immediately, or they may need some time to process the information. The most important thing is to remain calm, supportive, and committed to their long-term well-being, and to follow through with any decisions made together during the intervention.

Addiction recovery is a life long journey

Substance abuse and addiction recovery is a lifelong process that requires daily work. Your love and support will continue to be vital even after they begin their recovery journey. Your role in their recovery doesn’t end the moment they stop resisting help.

In addition to taking care of and seeking out support for yourself, here are a few ways to continue to be a source of support throughout their journey:

Celebrate milestones, big and small

Acknowledge and celebrate their progress, no matter how small it may seem. This reinforces positive behavior and encourages them to continue on their path.

Be patient and understanding

Keep it mind that it is very common for relapse to be part of this journey. Be patient with your loved one and offer support to guide them back on track. To learn more about this, read our article on what to do if your loved one relapses.

Encourage continued addiction support

Recovery is often most successful with ongoing support systems in place. Encourage your loved one to participate in support groups or therapy, and continue to seek your own support as well.

Conclusion

Supporting your loved one that may be resistant to treatment options can feel discouraging, but there are still options. Maintaining an open line of communication and being supportive can help establish a foundation of trust. By educating yourself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can become a pillar of strength for your loved one, even when they seem resistant to help. With unwavering addiction support and a commitment to their recovery, you can create a more positive and hopeful future for both of you.

About the Author

Melly Kratsch draws from over 20 years of personal experience, Melly is a passionate advocate for addiction recovery and family support. She understands the complexities of addiction both as someone who has been sober since November 2015 and as a family member of someone who struggles with alcohol addiction. This dual perspective allows Melly to offer unique insights into addiction recovery and the important role that family support plays. Her writing reflects her commitment to helping others navigate the challenges of addiction with resilience and empathy.

Pathroot specializes in helping individuals with loved ones in addiction recovery, see how we can help you and your family, Learn more ».